THE Game Awards of THE Current Year (2018)
THE Game Awards of THE
Current Year (2018)
I didn’t play much from 2018 so this is just gonna be a hack
job, soz. Lets just get this done, this year instead of a list of best; worst
and mediocre list as well as random as shit awards we’ll just do the arbitrary
awards. Wait, sorry I meant totally legit awards that are consistent with each
year to make them more valid. Rightio, let’s get this shit-show down the pipe.
Award Uno; ‘The almost good enough to get on the top ten, if
I was doing it this year’ award: Kingdom Come Deliverance.
Most of the games from 2018 I’ve played have been games that
I bought recently when I realized that hadn’t played any games of 2018, which
is fine unless you want to do an end of year list. So, I picked up this game on
sale and have played almost ten hours of it and I’m still not sure how much I
like it, it’s a game that I’d compare most with Oblivion (a game I love)
because of the amount of silly jank however in reality it sits much closer to
games like Mount & Blade (a game I don’t really like just because I don’t
get it). I think I like this game in the same way someone might like a puppy
that makes a lot of mess; on the one side its cute and ultimately makes you
laugh but on the flip side it’s still a lot of fucking mess.
Award Dos; An new game that is an ol’ an classic: Two point
hospital.
I loved Theme Hospital and Theme Park World as a kid, hell I
still do. Which would obviously mean that I’d love, what basically is just a
remake, of that classic game, right? Yeah! Which is why Two Point hospital is
good.
Award T r E N d Y: Wow, soz guyz this list is so late, who’d
even bother summing up a year before the year is even one? That means you won’t
get on the trending page cause 2018 is just so last year, (Literally). But;
yeah dudez the reason this so late is because I’ve just only now been able to
tear myself away from #Fortnight, ive been playing #Fortnight for a fortnight;
haha lmao that’s why it’s called fortnight after all. Fortnight is such a fun
game; fortnight is great, fortnight is being mentioned so much because I’m
hoping that if I keep saying fortnight this might appear on searches when all
the cool hip kids search for fortnight. Yeah, I’ve played at least 6.7897
(recurring) matches of fortnight and I’ve won at least 2.45 matches, which if
you do the math means that I have a play time of that’s right, 20,000 hours, I
know lightweight or what? That’s only 72000000 seconds, which is only 1200000
minutes, which then adds up to only 833.33333 straight days of this game I
hate, that’s only a tiny 119.04762 weeks of no food or water, mate; that’s only
27.39723 months since my partner left me, she took the kids. But it’s only been
2.283105 years of playtime on fortnight.
God how can I feel old and out of the loop when I’m only 19?
Award tres: The Time Sink That Applies to My Newly
Discovered Niche: Graveyard Keeper
In 2018 I found a Youtube channel called “ask a mortician”
which is exactly as the title would suggest, the channel is run an presented by
Caitlin Doughty, a lady with the most indescribably perfect bangs, but more
importantly than her hair, her channel basically just informs people about
death, death rituals, weird death, death facts, death, death, death, death but
in a positive way, death positive it’s called. My point being her channel is so
informative and the subjects are just fascinating and now I have a morbid fascination.
Then I found the game Graveyard keeper, which isn’t an accurate portrayal of
death since you get most of your instructions from an alcoholic skull who just
wants to get drunk (he’s just a skull, where does the alcohol go? Well the
floor presumably). If you want a description, then all I’ll say is Stardew
valley but with more and instead of a nice old farm it’s a weird old graveyard
and instead of nice friendly neighbors most people are kind of just dicks.
Also, instead of burying bodies you can just throw them downstream. I enjoy
this game but it’s not perfect; Stardew valley felt more balanced where every
day felt like a choice and you were always working towards something, Graveyard
keeper is a LOT slower, it feels like you just throw days away because
everything just so slow, it takes so long to do anything at all. Still
enjoyable though, just takes longer to get there.
Award next one: Most minimal amount of effort which I guess
could pass as a remaster: Dark Souls Remaster. (presented by Skyrim)
I feel like I have a strange relationship with the Souls
games because if I don’t play the game at the exact right, predetermined, time
in my life otherwise I end up just despising the games, an then came ark Souls
remastered and I just kinda thought “meh, it’s alright” it really is just Dark
Souls again but with DSfix installed for consoles; and then, there’s the Switch
version which is no difference at all except they added a bonfire. It’s just Dark
Souls, I’ve played that- I’d prefer to play Demon’s Soul’s again.
Yet another award: Pretty good game that I like: Assassin’s Creed
Odyssey
It’s pretty good, better characters, better dialogue, story still
hinges on the death of a family member, gameplay and stealth are alright but getting
better, I’d still prefer if it wasn’t Assassin’s Creed. 7/10 good game.
Worst game/ publisher: Bethesda, it’s obviously them.
Is it just me or does it genuinely seem like Bethesda just
don’t want to anymore, like just in general? They made, let’s be honest, a very
mediocre game, pissed people about with the beta that literally didn’t work
when it came out and then the beta didn’t have a reason since they clearly didn’t
fix any of the reported issues when the beta was finished, then the collects
edition was not delivered as promised then they game people like 50p to make up
for it but then said you can get what you were promised. If you didn’t take the
50p bribe because then you wouldn’t be enough of a profit. Still not as bad as
Konami but still fuck ‘em.
Monster hunter world is a pretty good game.
THE ONE AND ONLY GAME OF THE PISSING 2018 YEAR:
Persona 5: Dancing in Starlight:
FUCKIN’ TOLD YA LAST
YEAR M8.
https://soundcloud.com/dawn-of-the-winter-moon
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