Heavenly Sword review: This game is 10 years old and sometimes you can tell.

Heavenly Sword review: This game is 10 years old and sometimes you can tell.  

Title: Heavenly Sword 

Initial release: 12th September 2007 

Platforms: PS3 

Fun Fact: You can shoot people in the bum and they grab their buttocks. 

Ninja Theory is a development team that I am quite the fan of, though they don't have many games the ones they do have are generally well regarded, their most notable work is DmC- that game people got annoyed at but I think it's better than the original games- Enslaved, a game I feel like I've played but I'm not sure, Hellblade; their most current game that I still need to play; and most recently, Heavenly Sword- a game that I am very nostalgic for because it was one of the first games I had for the PS3. That I couldn't play because it was way too hard for little me but my dad played it and I think he finished it. So, how does this ten year old game hold up?  

Gameplay 

I'm gonna start with gameplay because you want to start at the shit so then you can get to the good bits and forget the shit then convince yourself that there was not shit. I wouldn't say that the gameplay in Heavenly Sword is full on shit but, it is like little bits of shit. If you had a Mars bar (look it up if you don't know what that is) and instead of the nice caramel and nougat it's filled with shit but the outside chocolate is still good. What I'm trying to say is the fundamental ideas of the gameplay is fine but the little bits on the inside make it feel sluggish and unresponsive. Let me explain: 

When using the Heavenly Sword you have three stances group, fast, and heavy each one changes the appearance of the weapon which is cool of a little confusing on account of how is it the same weapon when it's clearly different. If you catch my meaning. The problem is that you never know what stance you're meant to use, enemies constantly block your attacks and then you can't block theirs. You can block though, it's basically useless, to block all you do is stop attacking; wait, what? This is a hack and slash game you're encouraged to build up combos to unlock extra things but to block you need to stop and break your combos and the entire pace of combat, it seems so backwards. You can also parry by looking at what colour an enemy turns and hitting triangle to do a counter, if they're blue counter in fast stance, if they're orange counter in heavy stance, when do you counter? No idea; sometimes it works just before, sometimes it works just as they hit you, sometimes it doesn't work at all. There's also a red attack from enemies, it can't be blocked- I think. I'm not entirely sure, sometimes I have blocked but sometimes I haven't. Hell, sometimes I have hit an enemy just for the to stand still and for me to take damage. When the combat works it feels weighty and really satisfying, almost like a God of War game, but when it doesn't work it feels heavy, unresponsive, cheap, and flat out infuriating. I mean, even when it works it can still feel heavy and unresponsive.  

The game is also filled with a lot of quick time events, because it's a cinematic game. In all honesty I don't usually mind QTEs but here you need to have the reflexes of... Something with really fast reflexes that is quicker than the reflexes of a human. I'm not joking, sometimes you only get a second to hit a button or twist an analogue stick, if you don't have those reflexes or don't know what is coming (thankfully the buttons never actually change) then expect to fail then fail then fail then fail then fail then fail then get a bit closer then fail then fail then finally fail again then eventually do it.  

When the PS3 first came out one of its features that was talked about a lot was the motion controls that were on the conventional controller. The two games that I remember having sections where you could only use motion controls was this game and Rachet and Clank Tools of Destruction. Thank everything that is scientific that there is an option in the settings to turn off the motion controls, because, like most motion controls they're fucking bollocks. I don't see why Sony and Nintendo are so obsessed with them, I mean motion controls on a handheld imagine sitting on a bus waving your 3DS around like a mad man (or woman, women can be insane too). Although, after a few years less and less games used the motion controls for the PS3 because they realised it's a stupid gimmick and really negatively impacts your games, earlier games did it because they had to shoehorn it in to demonstrate what the PS3 could do, it's one of the reasons I never finished Heavenly Sword or Rachet and Clank, I could never get passed the flying bits in Rachet and Clank and I could never get past the shooting bits in Heavenly Sword (or the snake lady boss fight) mind you, I've never actually cared enough to finish a Rachet and Clank game.  

Presentation 

For a ten year old game it honestly doesn't look that bad, it doesn't look great, it's no HZD but the best part of the game is the characters. Everything from the animations to the character designs look great, obviously there are little bits here and there that are a bit jank like the main characters hair trying to decide which way it should go. By far the best part of this game is the cutscenes; I know people seem to recognise La Noire as the game that really brought facial capture into games but I really think Heavenly Sword did it so much better and four years earlier. I honestly think the performances and the emotions are so much better than in a few, obviously not all, modern games. Definitely better than any David Cage games. Also, Andy Serkis is amazing in this game, his character and the character Kai are definitely the highlight in this game. 

Story  

This game is written by Andy Serkis and Rhianna Pratchett, if you didn't read my Tomb Raider review you might not know that I am a fan of Rhianna Pratchett, so maybe I'm biased because both Andy Serkis and Rhianna Pratchett are both pretty great. The story is pretty good, it's a story that works and it's interesting and well written enough that it really is enjoyable and is one of the best parts of the game and makes me want to recommend the game on account of the story and the amazing performances that really raise the story, but then the gameplay brings it straight back down. Sadly.  

You play as Nariko (a really badass character who always seems to be forgotten when female video game protagonists are mentioned) she lives with a tribe who all secretly hate her, except an insane cat girl called Kai, because her mother died and everyone including her father see her as a curse. The tribe also guard a really sharp sword known as the Heavenly Sword, a sword left by a divine warrior who defeated a guy who seems like a bit of twat. It is said humans can't wield it without the sword eventually draining their life; enter Bohan (Andy 'fuckin' Serkis, son) eventually- after the tutorial- Nariko is forced to wield the sword to save her clan. The story isn't that mind fucky or anything like that, it's just a straight enjoyable story that is elevated by the performance, as I've said. The game also isn't that long it's like six hours, as I type that I think 'wait; six hours is kind of a while, films aren't six hours, a lot can happen in six hours. Kai and Bohan are the most interesting characters. Kai is crazy and child-like because her parents were killed by one of Bohan's men, Flying Fox He's a weird fucker, she seems to believe everything is a game and even killing many people just doesn't register in her head because, again, she thinks everything is just a game. Until, she seems Fling Fox and she really does lose her mind. 

Bohan, wants power. That's it. He seems to want the sword just cause and he wants Nariko because she hot. Yo, he loves those redheads. He really doesn't have any redeeming features, I mean in that he's a terrible person not a badly written character, he even treats his own son with such disdain because all he cares about is gaining power and taking over the world. There is a really good scene near the end of the game where Nariko's father is giving an inspiring speech to raise the morale of his troops and it is intercut with shots of Bohan giving his own speech that is less than inspiring, it even seems like he believes that he really is saving and uniting the world. Until... SPOILERS. He gets his eyes pecked out by what was, I think, his master.  

All in all, I really am quite fond of this game but I honestly cannot recommend people play it unless they can deal with the subpar, one second QTEs, and just all around annoying combat. If you really want to experience this game then just watch the cutscenes supercut on YouTube (the game movie, do not watch the actual film, it's a cheap cash in that has worse animation than a game from 2007 even though the film was from 2014 they also changed most of the actors and the story for the worst). What would be nice is if they remade with game with the same actors and same story and just changed the gameplay to be more like DmC. And improve the framerate cause the framerate can be pretty shit.

  

Oh, also that final boss can go fuck itself, Bohan can go shove his sacred genitals up his ass.

My sacred genitals/10 

https://twitter.com/JudgeFish