Horizon Zero Dawn review: Horizon Zero Pawn, HU HA. Actually, wait there is probably porn of this... Yup- fuck!

Horizon Zero Dawn review: Horizon Zero Pawn, HU HA. Actually, wait there is probably porn of this... Yup- fuck! 

Title: Horizon Zero Dawn

Release: 28th February 2017

Only PS4 (sadly) 

I think that is possibly the worst title I've ever came up with. For now. 

I think the PS4 may, possibly, be the best console- not ever, obviously- but of this generation, it's not even the best console hardware wise, personally I think that's the Switch cause that shit is cool, my point being is the PS4 is the best console cause it's got so many really good games and HZD is definitely one of those games. Xbox one had Recore, yeah that game (plus also all Xbox games also end up on PC making the Xbox more redundant). And I do know there are loads of great PC games that aren't on console but I'm not talking about that because, it wouldn't fit the review and a PC is not a console or a console isn't a PC. Apparently. I am actually against console exclusives because it's anti-consumer and it even seems anti-money-making-for-the-company, for example: wouldn't the developers make more money if everyone could buy HZD, Bloodborne, or Nier (again not talking about PC because I'm talking about consoles and a console isn't a PC. Because arbitrary reason). 

The point I've been trying to make is this: HZD is a damn good game. 

Presentation 

Let's get the most obvious thing out the way first, this game looks absolutely beautiful. I adore the colours, the animations and the overall style of tribal if a little post-apocalyptic. Oh yeah, slight spoilers? Quite early on in the game you can easily figure out that this is set in a world that has already been destroyed before. To most people when you say something like that the games they'd probably think of is: Fallout, now I do like Fallout however, when you look at the games they're very drab and very deserty (Fallout 4 was a lot nicer looking but I'm going to ignore that simply because the game was a bit toss) the best example is Fallout 3 (shut up, I like Fallout 3) which has its wide range of colours ranging from, green to a ill green to a dark, what the fuck have you been drinking all night, green. HZD, on the other hand is filled with bright colours that glow and make the world feel so alive and make you just want to walk around and look at it all.  

There's one thing though- why do some of the faces seem to be a little bit off? Is it just me that thinks that? For example, when certain characters smile it can seem less like a smile and more like people showing their teeth to try and impress everyone with how white their teeth are in a world where there probably isn't any clean tooth brushes or even any tooth paste. Actually; that's probably the point. Forget this part then.  

Aloy is gonna SHIET

Gameplay 

Nothing the gameplay does is that different from other open world games: There's climbing, a bow, a hitty stick, and detective vision but the way HZD does it just seems better, what the game does it does well. It even has towers used to unlock the map, but they're big fucking robot dinosaurs. The only part that I honestly had an issue with was the combat- most of the time I felt like I was just being slapped around, like something that gets slapped around a lot; I'm not making that joke, whatever I was doing I felt like I just couldn't avoid getting damaged- which may make sense because I am fighting big fucking robot dinosaurs after all. However, this problem could easily be solved by putting the game on easy. And, it doesn't even affect other peoples' games. Obviously, you don't have to put it on easy, but it is there. And, there's nothing wrong with that. Really, I don't have much to say about the gameplay except it's like other open world games but instead of being like Assassin's Creed it's more like the Witcher 3 yet it's got big fucking robots. Also, my other point is that sometimes the climbing can be a bit awkward in the sense of: I am pressing to go this way, why won't you go that way, you bastard, you bastard. Though, that's only like 40% of the time. 

Story (Possible Spoilers) 

The part of HZD that really shines the most is the story. Basically, long ago humans were wiped out by machines and they decided 'Eh, bollocks to it' and they decided to bone the earth just so that they could reform it to let life come back. In short, as I said before, this is a post-apocalyptic game except it has BIG FUCKING ROBOT DINOSAURS, are you getting my point here?  

You play as Aloy; you start as a child- it's not as annoying as Fallout 3- you then find a piece of plastic that lets you use detective vision then you stop being as young then people die, it's pretty sad, and you set off into the world to save the world from the robots, really that's all you need to know; it's the basic premise. You meet some cool people then you meet some less than cool people and you meet some people that start off not that cool and then they get kind of cool. Since it is an open world the map is filled with collectibles and little exclamation marks that indicate side quests. There is a scale that applies to side quests, at the start you have Final Fantasy XV and MMOs where the side quests are busy work with a little bit of text giving a reason (maybe) on the other end is games like the Witcher 3 where each little side quest is a story. HZD is definitely at the side with the Witcher. I'm not saying that the other end of the scale is bad but I will say that if you like the Final Fantasy XV fishing mini game you're straight up a crazy person.  

In terms of the main story, I'll try to stay as spoiler free as possible, it is a good enjoyable story that I always wanted to see through to the end. It's not a Mr Robot style story where there are so many twists that you might accidently get whiplash and break your own neck but it is just a good well written, well performed story. I think people need to remember you don't always need a story that messes with you and turns super crazy and has constant turns in it. HZD has a damn good story.  

All in all, HZD is a damn good game; it's enjoyable, it's compelling, and the banter between the Witcher team and the HZD team on Twitter is one of the best things I have seen that actually makes me think that maybe this industry maybe isn't as bad as the music industry. Then EA shut down Visceral and I decided 'No, it's worse than the music industry; ok probably not that far.' HZD is one of the games that really makes the PS4 a worthwhile console but alone it still doesn't sell the console, with the other exclusives then yeah maybe it does. 

BiG fUcK1Ngn R0bOt DinoSaurs/10